Wasps and Cigarettes

    So if you had been visiting my house the other day you would have gotten a special treat!  Me, no pants on, running down the stairs from the boys’ bedroom, through the living room, through the kitchen (past K and Mama), down to basement yelling that I need a cigarette.

Back story- 

     Apparently we have wasps in the walls.  K tried to warn me, that’s a funny story for another time, but I kept forgetting about it.  No more!  Q and I were putting the boys down for a nap when we say a wasp in their room.  Q tends to hit bugs as hard as he physically can, then drag their gross, dead little bodies across the wall/floor/window to make sure that they are REALLY dead.  The wasp had landed on the blinds and I was trying to avoid broken windows or blinds so I volunteered to kill it.  I hit the wasp and I have no clue how I did not kill it, but it fell down and we lost sight of it.  Of course we had to confirm to kill, so we carefully move a stuffed turtle nightlight, a couple of extra diapers, and Q slides the dresser away from the wall when start to kind of freak out.  I feel this sharp pain… in my pants.  Guys just cover your eyes for this next little part:

*** it felt like when you are wearing a pad and a hair gets stuck to the adhesive… you know exactly what I am talking about ladies, let’s not pretend you don’t***

That particular situation was not possible for me today, but I still kind of brushed it off.  But then i feel the pain again and this time I jokingly said something to the effect of “geeze, could this wasp have gotten in my pants?”.  The answer came a few seconds later- YES!  Yes the wasp could have gotten into my pants and yes it did somehow.  So I pulled my pants down in front of God and everybody and sure enough, that wasp flew out of my shorts as soon as they hit the ground.  The little sucker has stung me TWICE on my (way) upper thigh.  Now I am definitely freaking out, so I grab T with one arm and S with the other while i duck my head and yell for Q to “GET IT” in what I am sure was a very ladylike manner.  It probably sounded more like “GIT EEYT” than the more widely know pronunciation, but I digress.  I plop the boys onto my bed just as Q slams the boys’ bedroom door to seal the beast in, then I begin my aforementioned mad dash to the basement.

     For those of you who don’t know, tobacco is just about the best thing for any kind of insect sting (not sure about ant bites, I think you’re just SOL with those), BUT you have to chew/suck on before you put it on the sting.  Easiest way to keep it on is with a bandaid and let the redneck medicine go to work.  P.S. unless you dip chewing tobacco or snuff, DO NOT swallow your spit after your take the tobacco out, it will make you nauseous and light headed (a lesson I learned the first time used this poultice).

Q and I went back into the bedroom with fly swatters in hand, and I found it!  Sorry, but nap time trumps wasps every time.  I fear this is not the last wasp battle we will face before we figure out where they are nesting, but now I now how to handle it… Q can hit those bugs has hard as he wants because I would much rather replace those then get stung again, especially in my pants so very close to my *ahem* lady business.

In case it wasn’t obvious:

I still have no idea what I am doing!

B

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