I’m always reading these blog posts and Facebook posts and articles about the hot mess mom, apparently that’s a thing? I honestly thought that was just motherhood. I don’t say that as a judgement or anything, I just didn’t really know that there was that big of a difference between so many moms! I guess I was really blessed and saw a lot of different moms while I was growing up and didn’t really realize notice.
Yes, I do know that my best friend Meela and I have different philosophies when it comes to cleaning our house, but I would do anything for her and her babies. I also know that my mom and her best friend have different philosophies about many things (not just parenting and cleaning lol), but when it came right down to it- all the moms that I grew up with were just moms. They all had days where it seemed like they had everything together: hair done, cute outfits, on time everywhere, house looking like a Southern Living catalogue. But they all also had days where they were wearing two different shoes, hadn’t showered in a few days, forgot to pack their kids lunches, and their shirt was on backwards. It’s LIFE.
The women that I grew up around were real, they didn’t pretend like they had all their crap together. They called their friends when they needed help. They invited you over even when it had been a full two weeks since anyone had vacuumed or dusted. They fed each other’s kids, warned you if you were getting out of line (‘don’t make me go get your mama with the spoon’), went on vacation together, took their kids to and from different places… they LOVED each other’s kids. I always joked that I had several moms and it was basically the truth.
Going to MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) gives me that feeling, it’s been kind of hectic and I’ve missed a lot of meetings, but I have loved everyone I’ve met and spent time with. I get that group mama love. I’ve met some Marine Corps wives who have done the same for me. And back in North Carolina there was a group of neighborhood moms that let me come and love them like family even though I didn’t have any kids of my own yet. I miss that, I miss my other moms in Georgia.
I know in my heart that if I lived closer to many of my friends that that’s what we would do. I try hard to be honest when I offer things to friends (watching kids, bringing over dinner, etc.) and I’ve had to convince myself to take other people at their word when they offer me things. I think we as moms suffer when we don’t have that group mama thing. They keep us honest, make us feel like we are not alone, they give us support and an outlet. They help us understand our new lives as mothers, whether it’s first time moms or when a fifth baby is added to a family. They show us that it’s ok to have good days and bad days, fancy days and hot mess days. The moms with older kids show us that we CAN survive having toddlers, the moms with toddlers remind the moms with older kids of times when things were messier and (hopefully) they remind them of the good parts of having little ones.
It’s ok to be the hot mess mom! I haven’t forgotten about you put together mamas though, if you are a super planner and always look amazing, that’s ok too! Maybe you can start giving me lessons on managing my time better… not that I would be on time for them. We have so much to learn from all the moms we know! Don’t ever judge any mom, just try to embrace her and learn from her. Tell her that you wish you were more put together or that your house was more organized or that your kids always looked like models. You’ll probably be surprised when she says that she wishes that some part of her life was more like yours!
LOVE YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER LADIES!! Being a woman is hard, being a mom is hard, kids are hard, but don’t let yourself get swallowed up by it. Reach out, you don’t have to spill your guts… just ask if someone wants to meet you at Chick-Fil-A or the park or the pool. I met some pretty wonderful ladies at Chick-Fil-A ;0) so I always recommend the indoor playground!
I have no idea what I’m doing (join me here, it’s more fun with friends)