Q left today. He’s on his way back to Africa. No one is thrilled, but I think we will be ok. I’m hoping that we will slip back into a routine with school and going to the gym and our home life.
I started this post on the way to airport to drop Q off. We had a pretty good day, no crazy melt-downs except T was pushing boundaries extra hard. The first night was pretty tough though. I ended up crying too.
A little background: I’m a huge smell person! If I were a superhero, my superpower would be my ability to tell who had been somewhere and where they went afterwards (so I would basically be a bloodhound).
I love essential oils but I literally cannot stand some of them because they totally take over all of my senses (in a bad way). I can recognize people’s smell or cologne on clothes or in rooms, or when other people where the same cologne. I still remember what perfume my childhood babysitter wore and the cologne that my first boyfriend wore. I remember this old cologne that my dad wore and that my husband wore when we first started dating.
Super Daddy Scent
Before he goes anywhere, Q always leaves me a shirt that he’s worn and puts some extra deodorant and cologne on it and sticks it under my pillow. I hug it before bed, or when I’m really feeling sorry for myself I cry into so it’s like I’m laying on his chest and crying. Smells comfort me and make me feel more normal, like he’s home and everything will be totally fine. Well, this time, Q left shirts for both older boys too and I guess they didn’t really realize that the shirts smelled like Daddy until bedtime.
T came out of his bedroom and told me that the shirt smelled like Daddy and that that made him miss him. When I took him back to bed he just burst into tears and said he wants Daddy to be home. T told me that it breaks his heart open that Daddy is not home. I hugged him for a little while and then when I asked if he wanted me to cover him up, he told me no because he didn’t want the blankets touching Daddy’s shirt and taking the smell away.
He ended up being able to fall asleep, but he did ask to wear Daddy’s shirt to school the next morning… I told him the smell would definitely go away then and he happily left the shirt in his bed.
S doesn’t seem upset by his shirt, he just keeps laying it out nicely next to him and pointing out the fish on the back of the shirt. He likes the smell too, but it doesn’t seem to make him sad like it is for T right now. We’ll have to see if that changes.
Our Daddy Book
Before Q left the first time, I made a book we call our Daddy Book. I just basically put a bunch of pictures of the boys and Q in a book (I may have gotten a coupon in an e-mail that gave me the idea) and ordered it from Shutterfly. Well it is very popular, but I only got one (apparently I never learn… I have twins, therefore I need TWO of just about everything) so I just ordered another copy of the book the day before Q left. I believe that S and T will be very excited to find out that they each have their OWN Daddy Book.
I miss Q more than I did the first time, maybe because I got used to him being gone and then when he came back for a month he just helped fill so many gaps that I didn’t even realize were there. He’s an awesome dad, a really wonderful husband and my best friend. I hate when he’s not home, but I hate being sad because I don’t want to make him sadder than he already is.
Married to a Marine
I love being married to a Marine, I am actually thankful for it most of the time. I can’t imagine if he had a job that required a daily commute of hours plus long work hours! Minus the deployments (which suck), he is home more than most dads and husbands. Q can take time off if I need him to, his bosses worked with him when I went through chemotherapy! He basically took a week off every three weeks so that he could be with our boys and help me as much as possible. He drove me to and from all but 4 or 5 infusion sessions. He made sure I took my medicine and kept the boys busy, fed and happy.
I am incredibly blessed, but I’m sad right now too. I miss my man, they miss their daddy and we just want the good guys to win so we can get Q back home even sooner.
I have no idea what I am doing (and my chaperone is gone!)